thoughts

Is it okay?

Is it okay to feel sad all the time- even if you have someone who loves you? even if you have every reason to feel happy? I have been haunted by this great feeling of sadness the past few months. My brain won’t shut off the crazy thoughts. I overthink everything, I doubt myself, I doubt when I feel happy. I wonder why people like me, why they don’t like me. I worry over nothing.

Everyone thinks I’m happy. I tell them I am. I tell myself I’m happy.

Yet, deep down I know I’m not happy.

I’m lonely. I’m sad. I want to cry all the time. I don’t know why.

I have a great husband. He loves me so much. He does everything to make me happy. He comforts me and spends time with me, and buys me ice cream whenever I want (major plus). Yet, I still feel sad. This sadness has nothing to do with him, it’s just that I don’t feel happy with myself. Am I good enough for him to be with? Am I pretty enough? Do I take care of him well enough? Why is he with me?

When I go out, I wonder- is everyone wondering why this girl is always sitting by herself? Always on her phone? Never smiling? I want friends here in Dubai, but it feels impossible to make friends and start over. I’ve gotten more social anxiety. It takes everything I have in me to get up and get ready for the day. Sometimes I don’t even bother getting out of bed until mid day.

Living overseas and away from my home, I obviously get homesick for New York. I love Dubai, and all that the city has to offer me. But I always miss my friends and the good times we had, always up to no good and our shenanigans. I see them when I go home once a year (obviously impossible to travel back and forth constantly from Dubai to New York.) I wonder if they feel happy that I’m not there? Do they even miss me? Do they think about me? We can’t communicate constantly because of the time difference, and I always end up withdrawing from conversations, because I feel like since I’m not there, I’m not wanted in the conversation. I have nothing to say anymore. I don’t share much, because I feel like I’m bothering everyone. Why do I feel like this?

I get sick from these thoughts. I feel like I’m dying on the inside. I don’t want that feeling. I want to feel happy. I want the bad thoughts to go away.

Am I the only one who feels like this?

I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know.

Is that okay?

love always, lala.

thoughts

5 things that make me happy.

I’ve been MIA for so long, and that’s because I’ve been in a funk. I’ve been down lately, and nothing seems to make me motivated to get out of bed or get on with my day. My anxiety and depression get the best of me, even when I have no reason to be feeling this way. My brain and I are currently at war with each other. Some battles I win, some I lose.

So, I thought I would share a few things that bring me happiness. Maybe it’ll bring help me.

  1. Freshly brewed cup of coffee. Nothing beats the smell of a hot cup of joe, the aroma in the air, the caffeine perking up my day even before I’ve drank it.
  2. Walking in the woods. I’m not much of an outdoorsy and nature person, but just taking a walk to clear your mind (especially in fall weather), it’s just so calming. It could be walking anywhere really.
  3. Reading. I can sit in one spot for hours on end, with a stack of books next to me. My dream is to have my own little reading nook in a future house, or own a coffee shop that has books lining the walls. It’s great to get lost in a different world, even if it’s just for a short amount of time.
  4. Ice cream. What can’t ice cream fix? Just give me my cookies’n’cream and I’ll be happier than ever.
  5. Friends and family. I love spending as much time as I can with my husband, because he can cheer me up and make me smile like a fool, even if I’m angry at the world, or the laundry machine, or over nothing. And when I’m back home in New York, I cherish every second I get with my friends and family, because it’s not that easy to travel constantly from Dubai to New York. I make a yearly trip for at least 4-5 weeks.

Basically, I just need to remind myself that I have every reason to feel happy and blessed, Alhamdulillah. God has given me a home, food to eat, a loving family. But sometimes, even I can’t control how I feel.

love always, lala.

thoughts

welcome to my world

Hello all, my name is Lala. I just wanted to introduce myself. I needed an outlet to share my thoughts and ideas and posting helps me be who I am. I find it hard to share who I am, also because its hard to meet people here. Usually I am a very vocal and sociable person, but being in a new place has been hard on me. Writing and blogging helps me express my thoughts and is a great way for me to share what goes on in my mind.

I currently live in Dubai- I moved here after my wedding. Also, I’m happily married! I’m from New York, my husband is from Pakistan, and I moved to Dubai after because he’s been living here for the past few years. Alhamdulillah, married life is amazing. My husband is my best friend, and I couldn’t be happier.

In my blog, I want to share everything. Travel posts, lifestyle, food, makeup, skin care. I have a passion for many things and being in one of the most exciting cities is wonderful because I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to try new places and share the wonders of Dubai. I love going out and exploring new places to eat and visit and see and shop. So I would like to be able to share that with you- that is, if you follow me!

love always, lala.